I Love My Job

For those of you who can't deal with talking about body parts or too much information, this is not for you to read. It's a story about what happened to me at work the other day so stop reading now if you don't want to hear it. I just had to share this one. Ok.... the other day at work I was having kind of a rough day. I had this little confused 80 something year old lady. I know she can't help her little Alzheimer's self but it was really hard not to want to punch her in the face at times. At first she was really cute. I asked her what her name was (name has been changed for privacy) and she said, "Mary". So I asked her where she was at and she said, "Mary". I asked her what why she was in the hospital and she said, "Mary". I thought ok, well at least she knows who she is. Later, she turns on me. She kept crawling out of bed and even though I had her restrained in this vest thing, she could still climb to the edge of the bed and she wasn't strong enough to stand by herself. So, as she's trying to climb out of bed I run in her room and put her back in bed. She decides she doesn't like that so she decides to kick at me. I kept dodging her feet but she tried climbing again so I had to grab her feet (gently) and put them back over the side of the bed. She screams bloody murder! You would have thought I was strangling her (the thought did cross my mind). She keeps screaming and is yelling, "Help! Help! She's trying to kill me!". Five of my coworkers come running down the hallway and I'm standing next to the bed with my hands up like "I didn't do it!". So we tried putting her in the wheelchair to wheel her around our unit cuz it had worked earlier that morning. As I'm wheeling her kinda fast, she decides to throw her foot down because she doesn't want to go that way. I felt like I was dealing with a child and I guess I kind of was. She kept screaming in the hallway and I'm trying to wheel her back to her room but she keeps throwing her foot down and that's the last thing I need is her foot to break off while I'm pushing her in the wheelchair. I'm trying everything... I threaten her like a little child that if she doesn't behave she's going to her room, I tried popping a wheelie in the wheelchair, all kinds of stuff. Then she decides I'm again trying to hurt her and screams at me to get away so I did. Another co-worker of mine took over for me and while I was trying to gain composure of myself a call light was going off for another room. So I decide to answer it. I walk into the room and say, "Hi, what can I do for you?" The man in the bed looks at me and says," My scrotal bag is as big as two basketballs." Wow, do you always start off conversations this way? So I say, "Ok...." First of all, who says that to a complete stranger and what am I supposed to say... Oh, that's totally normal? Then he proceeds to tell me this story for 5 minutes about how in 2001 his scrotal bag was also as big as two basketballs and blah blah blah. Point of the story? He needed an ice bag. I have to admit I was shocked at first but then I couldn't stop thinking about it and laughing my head off the rest of the day. Totally made the rest of my day. Sorry if this was too much but I had to share it. I find it hilarious so I'm sorry if no one else does. Just another day on the job. :)