You Might Be A Nurse If...

You avoid unhealthy look people in the mall for fear that they'll drop near you and you'll have to do CPR on your day off

You've had a patient with a nose ring, and brow ring, and twelve earrings say, "I'm afraid of shots."

You've ever bet on someone's blood alcohol level

You know it's a full moon without having to look at the sky

You hope there is a special place in hell for the inventor of the call light

When asked "What color is the patient's diarrhea/vomit?"... you show the doctor your shoes

You ever told a confused patient your name was that of your co-worker and to YELL really loud if they needed help

You believe in aerial spraying of Ativan

You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce

You firmly believe that "too stupid to live" should be a diagnosis

You believe a good tape job will fix anything

You believe all bleeding stops.... eventually

You believe the definition of stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet

You believe experience is something you don't get until just after you need it

You've ever been telling work stories in a restaurant and had someone at another table throw up

You don't get excited about blood loss unless it's your own

Anything can go wrong, will go wrong, and if nothing has gone wrong, you obviously don't understand the situation

You refer to motorcyclists as organ donors

You stare at someone in utter disbelief when they actually cover their mouth to cough

You believe discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal is perfectly normal 

You have the bladder capacity of five people

Your family members must have a fever of at least 105 or be missing a limb with active bleeding in order to receive your sympathy

You've ever sworn you are going to have "DNR" (Do No Resuscitate) tattooed on your chest

You believe unspeakable evil will befall you if the phrase, "Wow, it's really quiet" is uttered

And my FAVORITE: You've ever had a patient look you dead in the eye and say, "I have no idea how that got stuck in there" 

Just want ya'll to know I'm on my way to becoming a nurse! I passed nursing school and graduate in a month!!! Woo hoo!!